|
Sigh.
I decided to forego the idea of having a new website, for now. I've been playing with Livejournal for awhile now, but this is my first "blog" of sorts. I have the ever so popular icon journal, as well as a literary journal (prehaps you can notice the links up at the top there?). I had every intention of moving from Summer-Love.NET to a new domain a friend had given me, but with lack of inspiration and lack of care - I just decided to concentrate on having a wonderful summer.
I don't really know if I have a purpose for being here. I'm very tardy at trying to maintain a decent amount of updates - the truth of the matter is, I don't say anything until I feel it's worthy enough to be said. So why create a blog, right?
Beats me.
A place to vent my frustrations perhaps? Well, here I am - venting.
Straight to the point.
My cat is dying and it's broken my existence. I never thought I would see the day where I would bow in and admit defeat. Today was that day as I broke down in sheer hurt, misery and anger about a pet - about a freakin PET. However, my cat has meant the world to me for the 6 years I have had her. She has been there for me in my times of need. And although she's bitten me, scratched me, kept me up until the wee hours of the morning wondering where the heck she is, driven in the car (literally, in the engine) without me realising it, been to the vet more times than I would like to count and all those other miserable, worrying things - she is still my cat. The one, single, living creature to not be blind to who I am. I don't need to put up a facade in her presence - I'm merely who I am with her, at all times. It's hard to be anyone else.
A couple of days ago, I had a funny feeling in my gut about my cat. It was like I knew everything that was about to happen, before it happened. And the fact it's all come to life, has kicked me in the guts and made me yell to the skies with questions of Why. Why me? Why is my life always the shittiest one? Why do I have to keep on suffering? Why?
Yet, I still haven't received an answer.
Before all this happened, I decided to find faith in god and religion again - after so long without it. And today, I did something I said I wouldn't do again - I gave up on faith. And no doubt, as per usual, I shall be the onslaught of life's cruelest joke.
Yes, I'm in self-pity. I need to be. I'm so sick and tired of trying to stay positive and I'm sick and tired of asking questions that will never be answered. My cat might just be a simple cat to everyone else, but to me - she is the only living thing to ever get me and now I feel as though I've let her down. Silly right? Just a cat. I wish that's all I could look at her as being - just a cat. In all honesty, she was more of a friend than those parading around in my life as friends. I guess that's the beauty of animals - they dont judge.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
loveislikewoah's journal